Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
