Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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