Sober January is a disaster.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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