If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
