you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
