I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
