You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
