we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize