You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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