Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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