So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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