Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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