paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
