Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
barbara walters just said penis...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
