I smell stomach acid.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Houston, we have a squirter
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
