Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
