There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im six kinds of drunk right now
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
