I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize