You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
