i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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