I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
