...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
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shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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