Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
