i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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