He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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