Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
