I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sext me about skeletons
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
