Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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