high people should be assigned attendants
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
