I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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