do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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