And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
