lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
