Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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