Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Holy shit dude........stairs
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