LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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