Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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