had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
