'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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