I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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