Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
