yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
