Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He better not be in your backpack
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
