You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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