I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
