she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I intend to get homeless drunk
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
