I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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