Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
