They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
