Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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