Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
