On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
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you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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