Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.