hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
