is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize