Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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