It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
